by KATY LEDERER | Aug 23, 2019 | General
Sponsored: Katy Lederer answers readers’ questions
Lederer is a recruiter and workplace expert
MAYBE you’re a freelancer. Maybe you’re trying to get a freelancer’s attention. Either way, getting to inbox sanity is a slippery exercise.
Q: As a freelance writer, I work from home. Many of my “work associates” are either people who email me ideas or people I email ideas to. Multiple times a day, I receive follow-up emails from members of category A. Sometimes they’re checking in on something they sent mere hours ago. I get enough of these emails that I cannot respond to every one, otherwise my entire workday would be spent writing missives like “Sorry, not interested”.
Of course, I find myself on the other end of this hellish pitch cycle when I send follow-up emails to job prospects, usually no sooner than three days after sending my last note.
Both pose the question: what is a reasonable amount of time to wait before sending a follow-up email?
A: There is actually a simple answer to your question.
First, get a second email account. Give the new address to anyone who pitches to you.
Second, write an out-of-office message: “Hello there. Thank you for your query. I do my best to respond to every pitch, but it can take me up to three days to do so. If your message is time-sensitive, please write ‘time-sensitive’ in the subject line and resend. If you have not heard from me within three days, you can assume that your pitch is not a fit for me right now.”
When it comes to your own pitches, three days seems a good interval to me, though you should certainly write “time-sensitive” in the subject line if three days will be too long to wait. Make sure it’s not a holiday or the manager hasn’t been fired since you first pitched.
Q: I like the people at work, the hours aren’t bad, the office is pretty nice, etc. But I hate my job and really resent going to work every day. My real passion is being a playwright. I can’t help but think that if I didn’t have this job, I’d get a lot more writing done.
I feel embarrassed when I tell people what it is I do for a living and worry that they’ll think less of me. I know that’s stupid, but it is affecting my self-esteem.
How do you know when it is time to quit your day job or how do you keep up your day job and keep your head up at the same time?
A: Your worries are not stupid. Many people that you know and meet will think less of you. Any excuse to feel even a little bit better than someone else, right?
Because who knows what’s going on with them. Maybe they have sacrificed everything to follow their dreams, let alone subsist on all the writing they produce daily.
Maybe they meet you at a party. You say you have a day job, but instead of stating proudly that you work in a fine office with kind colleagues that you actually like, you act like an impostor. After the party, they go home and gossip to friends that you’re a sell-out and a fool. Their friends outwardly agree with them, even though they know inside your writing’s actually really good, day job or not.
In fact, everybody knows inside your writing is actually really good, but no one will admit it.
Trust me, the people who despise you and talk about you behind your back would like nothing more than for you to actually stop writing. It would validate their choices and it would also reduce the field by one body.
But don’t give them what they want, okay? Just keep writing and just keep putting yourself out there.
Bitter writing can be good. Angry writing can be really good. And writing about soul-crushing day jobs has produced some genuine theatrical masterpieces.
Q: Should you follow your interviewer on Twitter after a job interview? Or is that weird?
A: No, you should not. But it wouldn’t be that weird if you did, either.
Think upside and downside. What will be the upside if you follow this person? You read this person’s random take on current affairs and…?
The downside is that there is a small but non-zero chance that they think you’re creepy or annoying.
If you think the interview went well, just leave it at that. Always leave them wanting more.
This article first appeared in The New York Times
by KATY LEDERER | Aug 16, 2019 | General
KATY LEDERER writes about common office challenges.
Q: I lead a small team. I have an office with a door. My team sits outside my office, in
a cube setting. Their noise drives me insane. One team member wears multiple
bangle-type bracelets and types furiously.
The other team member eats lunch at his desk, smacking and crunching his food
before licking his fingers.
As their boss, I try to be kind and supportive and accessible. Short of keeping my door
shut and wearing ear buds, do you have any other suggestions?
I’m also going to visit a doctor to see if I have misophonia. These issues carry over
into other spaces – home, for example – and not just work. Or maybe I just hate
people in general?
A: I don’t blame you for thinking that you might hate people in general, because let’s
face it: People can be very hard to like. Not only do they clank their jewellery and
smack their lips, but they steal too many pens and call in sick when they are actually
hung over.
But just because it is hard to like people doesn’t mean you have to hate your job. In
fact, most workers deal with their hatred of people in the office by becoming as
absorbed as they can in their work. This state of being too absorbed is known in
corporatese as “flow”.
Buy a pair of fancy headphones and visit a doctor. But humour me for a minute and
think about your “flow”. Why aren’t you able to get into it?
Are there too many disruptions? Is the work you are doing not the kind of work that
interests you?
To tune out all those sounds you hate, tune in to work you like to do. By all means,
close the door at work. Your employees will be fine without access to their boss for a
few hours. They’ll probably be relieved to get a break from whatever weird noises
you surely make.
Q: I am semi-retired and spent more than 20 years in senior leadership at high-profile
private sector entities. A former employee has reached out for a LinkedIn
recommendation. This individual always had his eye on the next level of promotion
and resigned twice under me to accept such opportunities.
Although a pleasant individual, this person would make questionable decisions
that required cautionary discipline at times.
When asked for the LinkedIn reference, I found out through past workers that this
person was abruptly removed from his position and is now out of work.
I am hesitant to respond because there it is possible that this person was let go for
complicated reasons.
A: You owe no one in this world a reference.
Don’t write back or say you are too busy at the moment. If this person doesn’t get the
hint, that is just another point in favour of your impression that he has terrible
judgment.
If that makes you feel guilty, remember that contrary to the wishes of our collective
unconscious and the dramatic finales of narratives of corporate greed, slimy operators
like this guy usually end up just fine.
Q: I work closely with two different teams at my company. Often my colleagues will
go through me when they need something from the other team. No part of my job
description could be interpreted as being a liaison between teams.
It ends up wasting a lot of my time. Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable. Is there a
polite way to ask that I stop being treated as a middleman?
A: Absolutely there is a polite way to ask that you stop being treated as the
middleman.
You already know what it is. Schedule a meeting with the supervisors of both teams
and say exactly what you’ve written here: “It is exciting to be part of this
collaboration between both of your teams, but being a liaison per se is not part of my
job description. Can we set up a more direct channel between your two groups?”
Q: I work a student job on campus where I set my own hours. I have been interested
in one of my colleagues for about a year now and he knows it because I told him
while he still had a girlfriend.
He’s single now, but no moves have been made and the outlook isn’t good for the
moment.
A few other people know about the situation. If he’s not telling anyone what’s been
going on, what proportion of the office is it appropriate for me to blab to?
Luckily, I graduate soon. So, this whole mess will be over in a few months.
A: My over-the-table advice is that, of course, you should immediately stop speaking
about your feelings about this or anything else in the office. It is strictly
unprofessional to do so.
My under-the-table advice is to really enjoy this unrequited crush. Take it from an old
person that intensity of feeling is one of those things that fade along with hair colour
and memory. Remember “no” means “no”.
This article first appeared in The New York Times.
by KATY LEDERER | Jun 7, 2019 | General, Jobs
KATY LEDERER tackles topics on how to handle your manager, surviving a merger and getting back on the career path you deserve.
Q: Recently, my boss came to me and said he needed to remove our current manager. He asked if I’d be interested in taking over. I said yes, but now a few months have passed and nothing has really changed. The previous manager is still on board, with a smaller role. My boss hasn’t announced my promotion, just inflated rumours that I’m “doing new things”. I can see now that he isn’t going to remove the problematic manager. I hardly have any new responsibilities. Most importantly, my salary has not reflected that of a manager. The other day, I overheard a co-worker say that I was “killin’ it at managing”. I have not done any less of a good job, but I have the same role. My peers are confusing my taking charge in the workplace for leading. How should I ride this out?
A: This is a high-carbohydrate game theory problem: Your boss wants to have his cake and eat it too, getting managerial performance out of you while not having to deal with demoting a problematic employee or paying you more. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. Bosses can be serious cake gluttons. And cowards. But step away from any feelings of resentment and starvation, because these will only hinder you in setting the table for the steps you should take next. Go to a quiet place and think really hard about what you want from your career. Do you want to be a manager? If so, would you be willing to perform in such a role at a below-market salary, gain valuable experience and a new title? Or is it more about the money? Or your time or work-life balance? In other words, decide on what it is that you want out of this craven corporate bake-off, set up a meeting with your manager and be frank about your long-term goals. The demoted manager is not your problem. Your boss’s avoidance of confrontation and discomfort is not your problem. Feelings in general are not your problem and emotional eating is epidemic in this world. So keep it simple and direct. And wipe the crumbs off your face when you’re done. Hopefully they’re shaped like rands and more rands.
Q: My company recently went through a merger and a significant number of employees were laid off – with generous severance packages. I was kept on, but not in a way I’m happy with. After being with the company for 15 years and having a career that was on the way up, I’ve been knocked back about 10 years. I feel that I’m being grossly underutilised. The department head seems to be territorial over tasks and projects, so I have reason to believe that I don’t really have a career track anymore. My conundrum is this: If indeed I don’t have a future here because they basically demoted me (without stripping me of my title or salary), I don’t really want to remain. But at the same time, I’m in a highly specialised field, which I love. What should I do? Suck it up and just do the lesser work? Try to negotiate for severance on the grounds that they have in effect ended my career? Something else entirely?
A: I am so sorry that this happened to you. If it’s any consolation, this is common, especially in industries that are consolidating or contracting or both. You are right to trust your instincts. You have been knocked back about a decade. Your department head is territorial and an obstacle to your progress. Indeed, you do not have a future, at least not in your current job. In the next consolidation or round of lay-offs, you’ll almost certainly be pushed out. But there is a foothold: You still have the title and the salary. Exploit these as best as you can. I understand you are in a specialised role, but now is the time to look around for a new job. If there is a competent one in your field, enlist a headhunter and post your details on LinkedIn. Tell industry contacts you trust that you are open to exploratory conversations. But make it clear you have not already quit. Branching out on your own as a contractor or consultant might also be a prudent route. People overestimate the extent to which in-house jobs are safer or more lucrative than working for yourself. The more specialised you are, the more likely other firms will be eager to contract out your work as needed.
Q: I work part time for a training programme that periodically brings a couple of people on to the team on a more permanent basis with a regular schedule and benefits. I have been passed over for open positions twice now. Each time the person chosen was younger than myself and newer and less experienced with the work overall. I didn’t express anything after these rejections, as I didn’t want to feel like I was rocking the boat. I should mention that I am classified as an independent contractor when I probably should be an employee, reflecting the nature of the work and the scheduling. Should I say something to my supervisor about feeling unvalued for my seven years of experience and ask what I can do to not be passed over next time?
A: I hate to break it to you, but at this point you have nothing to lose other than the sop of a raise your boss might offer you out of guilt. Yes, speak to him/her frankly about what your career path might look like. But don’t say you feel undervalued or that you feel anything at all. Just stick to the facts. During the formal meeting, simply say: “I wanted to check in on my career path. I notice two others have been hired into full-time jobs and I have not. I would like to know if there is anything I can do to improve my chances of moving into a full-time position.” In other words, do not put him/her on the spot. Confrontation will get you less information than will a more diplomatic approach. Either they will offer you a specific path towards moving into the position you want or you will quit. No more wondering or feeling needlessly terrible about yourself. Your boss is the one who should be having the hard feelings, not you.
This article first appeared in The New York Times.
by KATY LEDERER | May 30, 2019 | General
The New York Times writer and columnist, KATY LEDERER responds to her readers’ questions in a Q and A.
Q: I do not get along with one of my colleagues. We do not talk unless it’s work-related. I have tried to be friendly, but after a few years
of working with him, the relationship is non-existent.
Recently, I saw that he is a frequent viewer of my social media posts. However, he does not follow me, which means he takes the time
out of his day to search for my account.
This bothers me because if he can’t at least say hi, then why take an interest in my personal life? I do not want to make my account private
simply because of him, as I’ve found a lot of value in keeping it public.
This morning, we passed each other in the hallway again, but without saying a word, his gaze turned away from me although I smiled and
acknowledged his presence.
I really feel like saying something to him about his after-work lurking. Should I?
A: Don’t make your account private simply because of him. Make your account private simply because of yourself. Better yet, just delete the
app from all of your devices.
If you think your creepy colleague is bad, think about Mark Zuckerberg. Now there’s a corporate backstabber who surveils everybody’s
everything in an icky, lurky sort of way.
In fact, he not only surveils everybody’s everything, but he monetises the ability of total spies like Cambridge Analytica to surveil
everybody’s everything.
It’s understandable for you to be focused on the actual, real-life creepazoid you pass in the hallway every day. But consider the
possibility that less identifiable corporate climbers and glad-handers also pose a threat.
Your “friends” on social media could at any moment mob you and destroy your life forever or an app could track you even while you
sleep.
The advice to “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” has come down through the ages to us blockheads for a reason. In the
case of your co-worker, if you feel unsafe, you should of course inform HR immediately.
Otherwise, I suggest you propose a work lunch and try one more time to establish a superficial relationship with this person.
But before you do any of that: Get off social media. But if you choose to stay on, remember that you’re always being watched.
Q: A few months ago, I started a new job at a small company, with a leadership role. I feel I am making a lot of positive changes and
contributions to the operation and culture of the company, and generally like my co-workers and many aspects of the culture.
However, I’ve been blindsided by a major issue. It’s been abundantly clear since my first week that one of the two heads of the firm is an
alcoholic.
He has displayed inappropriate behaviour in the workplace, and regularly drinks heavily at work, even drinking steadily through
presentations and job interviews.
As someone senior, but not an owner, in the company, I’m unsure of how to handle it. There is of course no supervisor to report his
behaviour to and his co-head is dealing with a long-term personal issue that makes approaching him inappropriate.
I’ve seen a lot of addiction in family and friends, and I know that this is an issue that won’t be resolved until he himself recognises the issue
and decides to change.
I’m also loath to re-enter the job market. I’d like to help right the ship as much as possible until at least one, or both, of the CEOs can get
back to more stable footing.
A: The definition of co-dependency is excessive reliance on others, particularly those who require a lot of support, for a sense of
approval and identity. You are investing far too much in the people and the culture of this job.
Step back and ask yourself is this job good for you? Will it look good on your CV? Are you making a good salary? Are you gaining
valuable experience?
Once the answer to any of these questions is “no,” start looking for another job, even if the market is a special kind of hell.
Emotional distress is also worth considering, but you can reduce it in this case by actively stepping back. As you wisely intuit, you’re not
going to fix anything at all.
As for coping directly with a boss who is an alcoholic, I suggest keeping a journal documenting interactions that you have with him. It’s
never a bad idea to cover your behind for when the lawsuits start to fly.
Q: I had an assistant several years ago who worked out fine until she quit and then sued for overtime or some other non-existent claim.
It settled with no money changing hands.
This week, I ran into her husband on a flight and he was extra friendly, wanted to talk, etc.
I know he helped her on that bogus claim and I just didn’t feel like being friendly to him. It was an awkward situation in a public setting.
Was I correct to blow him off?
A: It’s always better to be friendly than unfriendly. I don’t know if you know this, but smiling is actually an animal behaviour that signals
non-aggression. To smile is to signal: “I don’t intend to hurt you.”
The thing about smiling and signalling non-aggression is that when it’s time to stab a person in the back, you will catch them completely
off guard.
If you have no intention of stabbing them in the back, well, they will think that you are really nice.
Either way, there is an upside. You could even call it a win-win.
Q: What do you do when a co-worker takes credit for one of your ideas?
A: Never ever tell this co-worker one of your ideas again.
Don’t bother trying to reclaim the credit. You’ll just look spiteful. Move on with another idea, and keep your eye out for a good
opportunity to get even.
This article was first published in The New York Times
by KATY LEDERER | May 23, 2019 | Jobs
The New York Times writer and columnist, Katy Lederer responds to her readers’ questions in a Q and A.
Go High, Not Low, on PTO
Q: I work at a small company that is quite strict about paid time off. Employees are often questioned about how they use their PTO, have permission withheld for weeks and are made to feel like they are personally scamming or hurting the company when they take time off. One employee, however, is a good friend of the chief executive and seems to get endless leeway. He missed several more days of work than allotted and has been able to make this time up by working on the weekend — something the rest of us aren’t allowed to do. Some employees have actually been denied PTO because this individual was one of the few people in the office that day and is “not reliable”. How do we bring up this blatant preferential treatment without sounding like finger-pointing rattle tales? — Illinois
A: I like this expression “rattle tales”. I believe that it’s a typo, and that you meant “tattle tales,” but “rattle tales” has a nice ring to it. Like the terrifying sound of a rattlesnake that’s telling a story with its tail! But you shouldn’t tell this story, with your tail or any other part of you. Because, look, if there is one thing I learned in my time in corporate America, it is that everyone already knows everything. That co-worker who acts as if she doesn’t know you’re stealing all the little bags of chips with only, like, three chips inside, so of course you have to steal a whole bunch of them to experience fullness: She knows. That other co-worker who acts as if he doesn’t notice your sniffling or coughing or whatever other sounds you make. He knows! Everyone knows your CEO’s pal is “not reliable”, and this almost certainly includes your boss, who has decided it’s okay. You don’t need to shake that tail of yours to spread the news. But you might want to think about finding a new boss. As in, get a new job, one where blatant preferential treatment combined with endemic PTO stinginess isn’t ruining morale. Maybe as a snake charmer.
No-Degree Techie
Q: I am a 40-year-old freelance software engineer. I have worked as a web developer for the past 20 years. I basically started at a low-paying, entry-level position during the dot-com boom and learned most of what I know on the job. I managed to move to a few better opportunities over the years, to the point where I’ve been able to freelance for the past nine years. I have learned many skills, and I can just about always get the job done.
However, I never went to college or took any computer science classes, so I sometimes feel inadequate with basic design principles. I also worry that I’ve spent too much time focusing on a few languages and technologies that may eventually become outdated. Where is a good place for me to start to improve my knowledge without going back to school full time? — E.B., Stratford, Conn.
A: This is an easy one, because tech recruiting was my specialty! Three simple steps:
- Survey all the degree programmes available in your area – residential, low residency and online. Look at their computer science and related degree requirements, course offerings and standards for admission.
- Check out all the community colleges and continuing education programmes in your area. Find one-off courses for credit that would benefit your CV. Maybe one in a new programming language, or another in basic design.
- Start small with these classes, maybe one class per session. The key is to be 100% sure that, should you decide to level up to a degree programme, you can transfer these classes for credit. Get perfect grades. Don’t take the MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) – unless they offer transferable credit. Words of wisdom from a former tech recruiter: Your anxieties are not unfounded. What seems steady and stable in the short term can erode surprisingly quickly. Clients come and go. Ageism (among other -isms) is rampant. Planned obsolescence is the norm, even for people. Let’s just think about that.
Career Blank Candor
Q: A while back, I had my job terminated by a company I had been recruited to work for. There were a number of factors, most of which were beyond my control. Fast forward to the present: I’m in an interview and get asked why I left my last position. How do I answer? It’s never good form to speak badly of a past employer, but the truth is that the organisation had a very nebulous view of what it wanted me to achieve and provided precious little support to help me in achieving it. Still, if I’m the interviewer hearing a response like that, it would likely send up a red flag. In a situation like this, how does one respond truthfully but tactfully? – Westchester County, N.Y.
A: If I ever had to write a book of workplace advice, it would be titled “How Interviewing Is Like Dating.” Because, well, interviewing is a lot like dating. You don’t want to be too honest about why your previous relationship broke up, but, hey, relationships break up, and that’s okay. The key is to frame it, like everything else in this coercively constructive self-help world, as “a learning experience.” What did you learn from this career setback? That clear job descriptions are much better for all involved, having utility in your work is essential, and communication is key. Everyone at your previous company was lovely, but they just didn’t know what they wanted and neither did you, and so you decided to part ways. There is nothing wrong with saying this out loud. It’s always okay to thoughtfully acknowledge your own mistakes as long as you do so constructively. And remember: “It’s not you. It’s not me either. It’s us.”
